I am newly [and eagerly] diving into the study of masculinity from the perspective of a man. I have experienced gender studies from the view of a female in society, and have judged masculinity through the lens of a female and a lesbian. Now, I am a man. Now that I am learning to live authentically, I am uncovering a boat load of shame that I carried over from my assumptions about men, gathered prior to my hormonal transition.
It is an interesting place to be: I am becoming more authentic, yet I carry fear and shame. I carry shame because I know what women (and lesbians) say about men when men aren’t around. I fear being seen by women as one of THOSE types of men, though I logically understand that this cannot be controlled. I have begun to crave some type of camaraderie with other men: I feel that I need a place to stop worrying for a time whether I am being too…. “male”… whatever that means.
It might not be the experience of some, but my experience is that I get the finger pointed at me for being a man when saying something I’d have said prior to my hormonal and social transition. I do shrug it off, but later, it weighs on me. I don’t want to become part of the problem. That brings me to ponder, quite often, whether I am or whether the perception of others is what causes me to feel this way.
More to come….
Crowolfe 
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